Cat Valium
by absencexofxlight
Summary: After Elephants Memory, Reid loses control and takes Dilaudid. After a few seconds though, he realizes that it wasn't Dilaudid he had taken.
1. Vast

_chapter one: Vast_

***Note* *Please read this note***

Hi there, just to clear up a few questions or problems. Ketamine is a drug that when used recreationally, induces a state called 'dissociative anesthesia'. It causes hallucinations, depersonalization, derealization, and with high doses, trouble speaking and moving. People may experience new worlds, and feel out of their body. The effects last one hour, taken as intramuscular. Intravenous use of Ketamine is not advised or even used, because the onset of the drug is so quick, that the person would become unconscious before removing the needle. Dilaudid is taken orally and IV. In Spencer's case, Intravenous. Since he was tricked, he administered it IV, so lets just pretend that IV would have the same effect as IM. I have never done anything related to Ketamine or any drug, so my writing may not even resemble the truth of it. I'm only writing from research, Okayy.

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><p>He held the two little glass vials in his hand, staring at them, the clear liquid staring back at him. The one-year medallion that the man had lent him, sat across from him on the dark blue sheets of his bed. Owen Savage's face flashed in his memory, and that image wasn't really bugging him so much, as was Aaron Hotchner's voice, coming back to memory, again and again and again. Saying his name, asking him questions, telling him to catch up on that movie. He hadn't gone back to that 'movie' when they returned from the case. He had gone home, and kicked his furniture around. He had thrown books every where in pure rage, hitting the walls, the lamp on the couch's side table, the mirror in his bathroom, until his neighbor had knocked on his door, wondering what the hell had been going on. His apartment looked wrecked, like a robbery had just occurred. But there he sat, after scouring the town for someone who fit a 'drug dealer' profile - who may have even tricked him or given him something fake -, on the carpet floor of his bedroom, holding the tiny glasses. His cell phone was god knows where, and he had already held his gun at himself twice, contemplating suicide. His shirt was half way unbuttoned, and his hair was messed up from all the times he had pulled on it, or hit his head against the bed. He had tried to resist. But he couldn't.<p>

After a few moments of dead silence, he looked back at his gun, which was at his side. He brought his head back, and hit it against the wall he was leaning on. His knees were brought up to his chest, holding his hands, and the two little bottles. He reached for the syringe to his left, and inserted the needle in the bottle, filling it up halfway. After putting the vials in his hands down at the carpet, he held out his arm, and injected himself with the substance.

A few seconds later though, was when he realized that he had not injected himself with Dilaudid. As he looked around his room, things seemed to be moving awfully slow, and there was a loud buzzing in his ears. He began to panic as he tried to stand up, but realized that he couldn't move much. His soul and body seemed separated, and he didn't feel like himself. He tilted his head back, trying to calm his breathing._ Chill, Reid_.

He started regretting not having called Hotch when he felt like he should. He should have wanted help. He should've kept on resisting his urges. But part of it was, he didn't want anyone to see him in that state. Every time he pictured himself in his mind, he was painfully reminded of his mother. It would make him feel even more distressed.

If he were being calm, he would hope that what he'd taken wasn't lethal. But he wasn't calm at all, and at this moment, he feared death so much. He didn't feel 'there'. He quickly thought of dissociation, as he looked towards the door of his room.

On the other side of the hallway, he could see into the bathroom, and notice the tiled floor slowly cracking. His immediate thought was earth quake, but he couldn't trust his judgement under a drug, so he observed. The tile looked like it was being lifted, and it cracked apart, a single plant growing out of the soil under the tile. A leaf grew on the green stem, and the plant started growing quickly, reaching up a few feet above the floor. Leaves started sprouting, and small flower buds were appearing. One by one, they slowly bloomed, and became bright yellow roses. The roots of this plant, were running alongside the bathroom walls, and growing more and more stems, which were flowering with different colored roses. Pretty soon, the whole bathroom was covered in green growth and bright roses.

He looked back towards his bed, where a dove appeared. This dove was white, but it's mouth was green. He asked the dove what was happening, and his voice sounded far off, like it was not his. He very slowly reached his hand towards his lips, and spoke again. His lips moved, but he didn't feel like they did. The dove roared, like a lion. Spencer's arms felt like they were burning with fire. He struggled, uncomfortable, to get up.

At that moment, he heard Hotch. Very distant and far off, Hotch's voice called him. This was followed by a distorted image of Aaron in his room, staring at him. His ears felt like they were in sloshing water. A constant 'whoosh' was heard over the other sounds. His arm was lifted off, and he reached towards Hotch, but then his arm fell back onto the carpet. _Was Hotch really there?_

"Ho..." he spoke, but only the first letters were pronounced.

"H.. Hoo.. Hocch" he said, putting maximum effort in his speech.

"Reid" he heard. A distant, but oh-so-real echo. Hotch's face came closer, and started getting distorted. His face seemed to be melting off his head. Spencer started breathing heavily, and his vision started becoming blurry.

"Hallu..hah.. hall.. ci.. ci.. ciiiinn.." he slurred.

"Wrr.. wrooo...wron.. d..drrruug" he continued. Hotch's mouth kept moving, but he couldn't hear the words the man was saying. The earth shook, and the room started spinning, Spencer stared off into the ceiling, as a faint image of his mother appeared.

"M..muum" he slurred. His mothers face looked calm and welcoming. Her arms reached out, and she wrapped them around him. For a moment, he felt extremely safe, and very comfortable. Her shirt smelled of cherry blossoms, and her hair smelled like orchids.

"Di.. dii... disso... disso! Disso! veh veh!" he tried communicating.

"What is it?" his mother asked, her voice being replaced by Hotch's. The room shook again, and Spencer was on the beach. It was almost night time, and the waves were coming in small, but more often. He was barefoot, and the sand under his feet was wet. He stomped his foot on the sand, and made a little hole with his heel. The wind blew at his face, reminding him of the familiar scent of salt water. He smiled, as the sun set, right on the horizon. The sky was slowly drained of its reddish color, and was replaced by a dark blue blanket. He walked along the shore, his feet occasionally getting wet. The water was cool, and it felt nice. As he started to sit down on the sand, a dog appeared, and started running towards him. The dog had long, golden, shaggy hair, and a sincere expression.

"Spencer... do you know what you took?" the dog asked. Spencer rested back on the sand, and felt the water hit his toes. He nodded his head slowly, and stared up at the starry sky. After a few seconds, he looked back towards the dog, but found himself in a completely different place. He was in the desert. The sand was now dry, and there was nothing around him, at all. He started panicking, when he didn't know where to go.

"G..get.. mmmeh .. ouut" he slurred.

"What are you on?" a woman asked, as Spencer turned around in her view. She had long black hair, reaching her hips, and she was wearing a white dress, almost resembling a wedding dress.

"K..K...Keta.." he stuttered, and reached out his hand for her. She slowly walked towards him, reaching out her hand as well. When their hands connected, he was transported back to the religous Miami case. The noise of a very loud tea kettle was ringing in his ears. Morgan appeared, with a bag full of a victims fingers. He felt nauseous, and ran away from the crime scene.

Every step he took seemed lighter and lighter. He seemed like he was looking down on his body, from the sky. He was stepping on clouds, jumping them, one by one. A bird flew by him, and started talking about 'the end'.

"Wh..what?" he questioned, and the bird flew away before he could ask another question.

"Ketamine? Reid there's an ambulance coming. I need to make sure that you're okay. This vial says Dilaudid, Reid." Hotch's voice sounded far off, in a vast room. Vast like a concert hall, or like the ocean, or like the sky. Vast, just like the universe. Then, he found himself in space. A million, billion tiny stars stared back at him. An eternal loneliness. Earth stood, alone. His body, suspended in nothing, flowing with the emptiness around him.


	2. Explanation

Hi there. It's been a long time. I am really sorry, I started college in May and It's been hectic. I hope that this story will still be read. My writing may have changed a bit, I am not sure. Please give me any tips and constructive criticism. If you read my story, I thank you so much, it makes me happy.

Oh! Also, I wrote this while listening to: Fireworks by Animal Collective! They are awesome and you should hear them. I feel like Animal Collective goes good with this.

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><p><em>Chapter Two: Explanation<em>

So much ringing. RIIING. RIIING. Someone had to pick up the phone already. It was so loud and Spencer reached up to cover his ears. It was beginning to drive him insane. RIING. RIIING. He wanted to scream but he couldn't get it out of himself.

Upon the moment he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by many people. An unknown face neared closer. It was very peculiar.

"Sir, can you open your left eye as well?" The voice echoed, each echo softer and softer, waves of sound reaching his ears so frequently. The mans face was distorted. His eyes were bulgy and his mouth was tiny. The edges of his head were blending into the background like melted crayons on canvas. Rain started falling inside the small room. He swore he heard thunder. The ringing was back. It was louder than ever. He wanted to scream. Why couldn't he scream?

He was in space again. He reached out his hand, and grabbed a tiny luminous particle. It was shinning so brilliantly, it made him laugh with joy. The particle slowly melted, it turned into a beautiful glittery dense liquid, and seeped through his skin. For a moment he panicked, believing that he was poisoned, but then he relaxed, and gazed at his glowing skin.

These particles were beautiful. They were everywhere. He reached for another, and brought it to his arm. It seeped through his arm, making it glow. He sighed. Such beauty was not possible in the world he was accustomed to live in.

"Reid?" He heard, a marvelous voice, so angelic, so beautiful. The whooshing at his ear began, and he was grateful it was not the ringing.

It was like he teleported into another world.

The dove returned.

"Do you want to meet the creator?" It spoke, in its own language. Spencer understood the language of the doves. It was amazing. He nodded his head.

"Three.. Two.. " He heard faintly, as his body started shivering. He was at the top of Mt. Everest. It was cold. The mountains stood tall. The wind was fierce.

"Where is the creator?" Spencer questioned into the air. Then, he saw it. It was beautiful. The thing that created the universe. It was a diamond. It was bright, and had all the colors of the rainbow. It released such a bright light, that Spencer had to cover his eyes so quickly to prevent himself from becoming blind. The diamond was floating in mid air. It was spinning around slowly. The dove returned.

"This is the life source. It signifies the Earth and it's rotation. It is what gives the energy to this whole universe. Without this diamond, everything would die."

The sky was the color of champagne. Everything made so much sense. Spencer, in a brilliant way, had discovered the answer to everything. He reached out his hand, to touch the diamond. As he reached over, though, he felt a weird sensation at the pit of his stomach. Was it the poison? Did the particles hurt him? He began to panic, and breathe harshly, until he emptied his stomach onto the white snow covered ground. His throw up looked like melted chocolate ice cream that had muddled together with other various flavors. He crunched up his eyes at the ironic disgusting taste, and shook his head.

Everything shook for a moment, and he suddenly wished he was back at home or at the B.A.U. Why did he take this vacation, anyways? Where is the plane? The ship? He wants to go home. _Please, let me go home._

"Now that you have seen the reason for our existence.. I am afraid we have to let you go." The dove whispered, as everything went black. Was he being sucked into a black hole? His body would be shredded to pieces! This couldn't happen. He clawed in front of him with his hands, trying to climb back out of the event horizon*. Nothing was faster than the speed of light. He was sucked in. As his body was shredded to pieces, he felt an insane wave of calm over him. It was almost so relaxing, he could fall asleep forever. He thought he did.

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><p>The moment Spencer Reid woke up, he had no idea where he was. Until his vision finally came into focus, he didn't know he was situated in a hospital bed. His first thoughts were: <em>What happened? Why am I here?<em>

As his heart started racing, the monitor behind him started beeping crazily, followed by a nurse charging in through the door. In back of the nurse, was a man. A person he knew. He was just having trouble remembering. It was all a bit hazy.

"Spencer" It was Hotch, he recognized.

Why was he in a hospital bed? What happened? Did he get hurt? Did he get shot? Wheres the rest of the team? He began to panic again, and tried to speak out loudly, but failed.

"Can you try to talk a bit slower and softer, Agent Reid?" The nurse asked, bringing up a needle with some clear liquid to his IV.

"No.. no.. narc.." he attempted, and Hotch relieved him with the fact that he was not getting any narcotics. He felt no pain at all, thankfully. What he did feel though, was tired. He felt horribly tired and slow.

Everything was quiet for a few seconds, as the nurse filled out some papers.

"How do you feel right now?" she asked.

"Very.. weak" he spoke slowly.

"Alright, do you feel any pain?"

"No" he replied, titling his head back on a pillow.

"Okay, well, the doctor will see you in a couple of minutes. If you need anything, do tell."

Reid nodded, and she dismissed herself.

Everything was silent, again. Hotch was sorting out his thoughts, and trying to make himself calm down.

"What.. what.. what happened?" he asked, once the nurse had shut the door, bringing his right hand up to his face, and covering both his eyes. Hotch brought up a chair and sat next to the hospital bed.

"Reid.. we need to have a serious conversation about this. I can't let this go. But I am so glad that you are alright. You scared me so much." Aaron confessed.

"Hotch.. what did I do? I can't remember."

"You thought you'd taken Dilaudid, but you actually took Ketamine. You were tricked, and you could've died." Hotch explained, and Spencer became very disappointed in himself. He looked away for a brief second, and then back at Hotch.

"I apologize" Spencer said, weakly. Hotch sighed.

"The important thing, is that you are okay. I was extremely worried. I haven't told anyone, if that concerns you. It's around three in the morning."

Reid took a long sigh.

"Do you feel that you need to take a couple of days off of work? You can't be alone though, Reid. I don't have that level of trust anymore with you, and I cannot afford for you to get hurt. I really care, and I am genuinely worried." Hotch spoke, with a sincere expression. An expression with emotion, something that you'd rarely see in him.

"I just.. I am truly sorry. I guess I just need to.. work on my problem harder. I do want to stay at work though. Please." He confessed, and rubbed his fingers on the edge of the blanket that was placed on top of him.

"You may, but if you ever feel like it's too much, please tell me."

"Can I.. Can I talk to you now?" Spencer asked, his whole self feeling very vulnerable.

"Of course, whenever you're ready" Hotch replied, and brought the chair a bit closer.

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><p>Okays there it is. Chapter 2! I think I am better at writing weird crazy things than actual real dialogue and actions.<p>

event horizon* - The area around a black hole that once you reach it, you can't escape and you'll be sucked in. In order to escape you need to go faster than the speed of light. Apparently, nothing does.


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